Way To Ring In The New Year

Happy Twenty-Eleven, everybody. We're heeere because we're heeeere because we're heeeerrre...yada yada yada. Just so you know, if you've ever considered starting out the new year by saying goodbye just for funsies--DON'T. DO. IT. Trust me, I had to do that today. And it. was. awful. It's not like I wasn't expecting it. I've known it would happen today since October, and it's been sneaking up on me over the past two weeks. It's a horrible feeling to have your boyfriend come back after not seeing him for three months, but every second you spend with him remember that he's going to leave again. It's probably the feeling people get when they know when they're going to die. Pardon the cheesy Matrix reference but, "it is inevitable." If I could have found any way to not have to say goodbye, I would have. Not like avoiding it, but keeping my love from leaving.

I don't know what the big deal is, and he doesn't get it either. I'm going to see him in forty something days anyway, IN HAWAII for heaven's sakes! I guess it's just because I was doing anything and everything to make the time pass and GET TO DECEMBER 16TH in one piece (the day he came back). Which I did, and the past two weeeks have been utter bliss. He was here for Christmas and we did roadtrips and made so many memories...I feel like I've been dreaming. Well naptime's over honey, time to get back to real life. And I have to go back to facing tough things and making hard decisions and trying to act like a rational human being. When he was here, it didn't matter because I just wanted to be right next to him and I would do whatever it took. Now I have to go back to being logical and a regular responsible person. That sucks when you think about it. Get a few weeks off from life and then you get tossed back into the grind. Pick me, pick me! NOT!!!

I was warned, I suppose. Won't go into detail, but screw all that. It's worth the drama and the heartache I've had to/will have to go through. Some people are just worth it. It hurts like hell, but if you have a wonderful guy like I do, you'll make it through for him. Last time he left was hard too, but if I find things to distract myself with (like this for instance) for the first few days, I'll numb myself and it will get better...forty something more days!!