My parents have got it right. Whatever they picked up in the "Learn-As-You-Go School of Parenting" has stuck with them. The reader should be aware though, that all practices obtained in said educational facility will only smother your children if used properly. If your children have become well-formed, bright, happy, and successful adults, then your original goal when you birthed the little demon monkeys has been fulfilled whilst you broke every rule.
Sarcasm, sarcasm. (On a side note: be impressed when you hear sarcasm from me. It only comes out in my writing. I'm not verbally quick-witted by nature, so you will almost never hear me say things like this out loud. They only happen in my head.) I can be very mean, I know, but there comes a point when enough is quite enough. Adulthood is only 26 days beyond my grasp now, yet I can't even have an adult conversation with my parents. I can't bring up ideas, notions, or suggestions that sound the least bit independent (because my parents have realized that once I do achieve that magical place of legal adulthood, they can legally kick me out for making a choice that they do not agree with). Yes, the idea is Biblical to a point. But they carry it much too far.
For example, I remind my mom I am going to get a tattoo sometime after this monumental birthday and she informs me that if I do, I will no longer be allowed to live under my parents roof. "So, you're going to kick me out if I get a tattoo?" I ask. "That will be your choice," is the reply of Mother Dear. I repeat my question, wanting to hear her say that they will kick me out if I get a tattoo, hoping they will realize how harsh it sounds. But my mother refused to actually admit that it sounded as strange and possibly as cruel as it is. (The parentals previously stated that they hoped I would wait to get a tattoo until after I was married, assuming us children would understand that getting a tattoo will earn us an eviction. We children never really picked up on that hint.) So my understanding now is that my parents want me to live with them until I marry, but in order to do so, I must allow them to control me and treat me like a child.
I honestly don't care what their preferences are. I hate to sound this insensitive, but I want to be allowed to be myself. I'm not going to go all wild and crazy and do things just because I can (like unnamed people we have gone through this experience with). I've agreed with them and kissed their asses about their opinions since I was twelve and I'm tired of pretending I agree when I certainly do not. I'm sick of sounding just as judgmental as my parents are. There are some things that I will not ever tolerate, but there are other things that I am all for (like tattoos, if they are very meaningful to the person getting them). But my opinions, feelings, and notions have been smothered ever since I started to think a little bit differently (about five years ago) and moving out (like my sister did) sounds better every day.
I don't want to break my parents' hearts. I really don't. (That's one reason they don't know everything about me, especially things that have transpired in the past few years, and never will.) But I need to stretch my wings. I've needed to for a long time. Maybe that's the reason I still feel so scared of the world and of life and so freaking dependent on my parents. I don't want to be that way. I love them and will listen to their advice, but I need to be able to make some choices, and to make some mistakes. I learn by screwing up. You can tell me the consequences as much as you want but it really won't mean much to me until it happens to me. Sad but true.
With all my dreams, with everything I've ever wanted to do, I've got to get out and be free. I've got to try some things. You learn by getting up after you fall. Not that I want to fall, but there are some things that I've just got to know for myself. Things that I want to happen in my life too. And some things never ever happen unless you step out of yourself, out of what you're comfortable with, into a place that scares you like hell, and take a risk.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Reflections On Hope
I went to young adult conference in Vancouver, Washington with our youth group this weekend and had an amazing time. The theme of it was hope, reflections on which I jotted down on the trip home and will now share with you:
"Hope. We hear about it so much these days because of various tragedies and natural disasters, because the people affected are in need of hope (the question is, aren't we all?). But the concept of hope was in place before any natural disasters or tragedies ever occurred. That's because God is a God of hope and He has always been in existence--before time began, before our world was created. Real hope remains standing, no matter what comes its way. Hope is irreplaceable. It can't be manufactured or duplicated. The world can't give you anything like it.
Hope is the firm belief that God has something better for you, better than what you are experiencing now and what you have experienced in your past. Sometimes you have an idea of what that is and sometimes you don't. Hope in God is beautiful, because it cannot be broken. It's the breeding ground for faith. There is no such thing as negative hope. Wanting something bad to happen to/for someone else is hate and hate is the same as murder (says God, don't shoot the messenger).
We should have hope all the time, not only when bad things happen. Instead of only hoping for something better than disaster, we should hope for something better than average. Normality is not the goal when it comes to true hope; God's best for our lives is the goal. Hope doesn't settle for second best--it looks above and beyond to the craziest, best possible thing that could happen to you.
Hopes and dreams are in the same family, but they are not the same. Hope is in what God says in His Word that you can have (a blessed and prosperous family, marriage, finances, ministry, etc). Dreams are the specific hopes that God gives to you (like the kind of person you will marry, the kind of ministry you desire, etc). (And I say "etc" because you should never limit God; the amazing things He wants for you and has planned for you are endless.) Both dreams and hopes are God-given just the same and both go beyond what you see in the now.
Hope is something you should never trade away. You shouldn't want to try to replace it. But you should give hope away, because the God of hope always has more to fill you with. When you have hope, you will never feel unsatisfied or empty. Walking through life without hope will make you miserable and depressed. You need to have something to look forward to."
And that's it. Sorry it's a bit random, my thoughts aren't terribly organized (as you have already realized). I understand if you don't agree with what I have said, but these are my beliefs and nothing will change them.
"Hope. We hear about it so much these days because of various tragedies and natural disasters, because the people affected are in need of hope (the question is, aren't we all?). But the concept of hope was in place before any natural disasters or tragedies ever occurred. That's because God is a God of hope and He has always been in existence--before time began, before our world was created. Real hope remains standing, no matter what comes its way. Hope is irreplaceable. It can't be manufactured or duplicated. The world can't give you anything like it.
Hope is the firm belief that God has something better for you, better than what you are experiencing now and what you have experienced in your past. Sometimes you have an idea of what that is and sometimes you don't. Hope in God is beautiful, because it cannot be broken. It's the breeding ground for faith. There is no such thing as negative hope. Wanting something bad to happen to/for someone else is hate and hate is the same as murder (says God, don't shoot the messenger).
We should have hope all the time, not only when bad things happen. Instead of only hoping for something better than disaster, we should hope for something better than average. Normality is not the goal when it comes to true hope; God's best for our lives is the goal. Hope doesn't settle for second best--it looks above and beyond to the craziest, best possible thing that could happen to you.
Hopes and dreams are in the same family, but they are not the same. Hope is in what God says in His Word that you can have (a blessed and prosperous family, marriage, finances, ministry, etc). Dreams are the specific hopes that God gives to you (like the kind of person you will marry, the kind of ministry you desire, etc). (And I say "etc" because you should never limit God; the amazing things He wants for you and has planned for you are endless.) Both dreams and hopes are God-given just the same and both go beyond what you see in the now.
Hope is something you should never trade away. You shouldn't want to try to replace it. But you should give hope away, because the God of hope always has more to fill you with. When you have hope, you will never feel unsatisfied or empty. Walking through life without hope will make you miserable and depressed. You need to have something to look forward to."
And that's it. Sorry it's a bit random, my thoughts aren't terribly organized (as you have already realized). I understand if you don't agree with what I have said, but these are my beliefs and nothing will change them.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Babies with Babies, and THOSE Babies Having Babies...
Not that this is anything terribly new but recently I've become aware of friends and friends' girlfriends having babies. And I haven't been finding out until like their eighth month of pregnancy. Now all of a sudden, I am overwhelmed by the thought of these teens, these kids (who aren't even close to being mature) procreating and starting another generation. I see their facebook pages, their drama, their hell-on-earth-life and I shudder to think that this person is going to be raising a child. It boggles my mind, and not in a good way.
I'm not a hater. Trust me. I'm just worried for these people who haven't even finished growing but suddenly have the responsibility of training and teaching the next generation. We all make our choices and our mistakes; you can try to prevent those mistakes, but after those decisions have been made all you can do is love that person. I have never nor will I EVER advocate the evil of abortion, but there is such thing as abstinence. I won't even say "prevention" because that just makes people think "I can do it as often as I want with whomever I want, because we're safe". There is no real safety except not having sex before marriage at all.
Let me get off my soapbox for a moment. I'm not going to go terribly deep into my personal life because it's my business. But I'm not going to let you think for a moment, dear reader, that I'm some perfect, judgmental, Christian who hates on everyone who's messed up. Because I've messed up, just like you. I'm no angel and I never claimed to be. I've seen the consequences of my actions and the aforementioned new parents are and will continue to see theirs.
I just wonder what kind of a world we'll be looking at in twenty years. It's enough of a mess now, but with middleschoolers bringing up the next generation...just imagine how it will be. My heart breaks for these kids who may never know real love, because they were birthed by a mother looking for love in the wrong place. It's a fatherless generation giving birth to orphans, because everyone's looking for love. This generation hasn't learned from the ones before, who also searched for that love in every place but the one they'd find it. It's an insane world, because we're doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. God help us.
I'm not a hater. Trust me. I'm just worried for these people who haven't even finished growing but suddenly have the responsibility of training and teaching the next generation. We all make our choices and our mistakes; you can try to prevent those mistakes, but after those decisions have been made all you can do is love that person. I have never nor will I EVER advocate the evil of abortion, but there is such thing as abstinence. I won't even say "prevention" because that just makes people think "I can do it as often as I want with whomever I want, because we're safe". There is no real safety except not having sex before marriage at all.
Let me get off my soapbox for a moment. I'm not going to go terribly deep into my personal life because it's my business. But I'm not going to let you think for a moment, dear reader, that I'm some perfect, judgmental, Christian who hates on everyone who's messed up. Because I've messed up, just like you. I'm no angel and I never claimed to be. I've seen the consequences of my actions and the aforementioned new parents are and will continue to see theirs.
I just wonder what kind of a world we'll be looking at in twenty years. It's enough of a mess now, but with middleschoolers bringing up the next generation...just imagine how it will be. My heart breaks for these kids who may never know real love, because they were birthed by a mother looking for love in the wrong place. It's a fatherless generation giving birth to orphans, because everyone's looking for love. This generation hasn't learned from the ones before, who also searched for that love in every place but the one they'd find it. It's an insane world, because we're doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. God help us.
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