You Are My Hero

You are somewhere you may have not ever thought you'd be. You have seen and are seeing more than I want to imagine or even ask about. You are putting your life on the line every time you walk out the door. You hold a killing machine in the same hands that have held mine, just to keep me safe. You've fought back tears and wrestled with sleepless nights as you've seen your brothers fall. You've trained and worked and pushed your limits so you can be prepared for anything. You risk your life by just being where you are. You run, you sweat, you bleed, you scream, you fight for the pride of your country. Honor is not just a word to you; it has value beyond compare. Your heart breaks when you leave your loved ones, but it swells with pride knowing you are keeping them from harm. Some hours are empty and the days seem as if they will never pass, but night after night, you dream of those you love. And you realize you would do anything to see their faces again, to hold them close, to even hear their voices.

You are the American soldier. You have the love and support of a nation behind you. I salute you and I thank you. You are giving so more than just your time or abilities. You give your life, your family, your dreams, your being for this country and the safety of its inhabitants. I cannot thank you enough for what you do.

And to my fiance, Zach: you are the epitome of a true soldier. Your honor, bravery, and commitment continually amaze me. You are my hero. Your love is strong, as is mine. I will always be here for you. And I will always be praying for you to stay strong and to come back safely to me. I love you.

Love is a Haven from the Monsters of Life

I love you. From the first second I saw you, I pretty much knew I was going to fall for you. I think I knew that when we talked before we ever met face to face. It was something I felt, a connection I had with your soul. I knew it was love because I'd never felt it before. At least not like this. This is the kind of love that is so overpowering and overwhelming that I just have to sit down sometimes to just think about it. It's the kind that makes me weak at the knees every time you look at me. My heart wants to beat itself right out of my chest every time I hear your voice. The thought of your arms around me just makes me melt into a lovesick lump. You've caught me staring at you because I just love to look at you. Whenever I think about you, I space out into a whole different world and don't come back to reality for a while because I'm going over all the things I love about you.

I love your eyes. They just swallow me up and take me in while electrifying the very air I breathe, lighting my soul on fire with just a glimpse. It's what I imagine eating a lightning bolt would taste like. Your smile. It's quirky and cute and always seems to be holding back a hilarious joke or impish secret. And when you're smiling at me, the twinkle that dances goes straight to my core. I just feel it in my bones. Your hands. They're big and strong and beautiful to just look at. I don't know if I ever thought anyone would have hands as nice as you. I feel so safe when they hold mine. Hell or highwater may come but I am safe with you. When they cup my face and stroke my cheek, I could die from happiness. But instead I just choose to kiss you.

Those are just a few of the physical things I love about you. Someday, I will list every single thing that I love about you. It may take years, but I will do it. Because I have an eternity left to be with you. Sometimes, I feel a bit dopey for thinking about you as much as I do; which leads me to hope that you're thinking about me like that too. I honestly don't think I could breathe without you. I can't breathe when I'm next to you either but I'd rather die of a lack of oxygen while in your arms than when I'm a forever away from you. I just get so overwhelmed and intoxicated by even being in the same room with you.

If I ever fall completely silent, don't be alarmed. I'm savoring the moment. I'm thinking about you. I'm pondering our forever. We have a beautiful story. So I'm sorry if I take a break from reality to just play and replay it in my head. Like our first kiss. I think about that so often. It really was a Kodak moment, one that Hollywood would die to have on film. Time stood totally and completely frozen, and every time I see it in my head it does the same.

We've made it through so much and I'm looking forward to making a forever with you. We've been to hell and back; soon it will be our time for heaven on earth--no interruptions, no fears, no insecurities. Just you and me. We'll take on the world, baby, because love is so much stronger than what they could ever throw at us and our love would top every chart. I'm record-breakingly in love with you. No girl has ever been as crazy for her man as I am for you. I just wanted you to know that.

Words Can't Complete Us

Why are words so useless sometimes? You could come up with the most eloquent phrasing and rhythms to whatever you're trying to say and it still ends up not being enough. The human soul is beyond the language that we ourselves have created. We weren't made for a language of this earth; we were made for the communication of heaven.

I find myself coming up short in conversations. The things I want to say so badly, I can't find the words for. My heart can be bursting with emotions, dreams, and ideas but for some reason, my brain can't figure out how to put it into words. I am by no means mentally impaired, let me assure you. But I've always seemed to deal better with the written word than the spoken word. If you see something I've written, then hear me try to communicate that exact same feeling/idea, you'll see that the differences are innumerable. I feel almost pressured when speaking with someone and that pressure makes me blank out in a way. I get desperate, searching for words, trying to find an idea that makes sense with this conversation. Talking face to face or even over the phone with people leaves me scrambling.

It's not only frustrating to me; it's also annoying to the person/people I'm speaking with. They think I'm quiet because I don't care, I'm angry with them, or am just a few french fries short of a happy meal. They want to communicate two-way with someone for whatever reason and now they have realized that selecting me for this activity was not a smart move. So they are left with silence (either to their face or over the phone line), and I'm left with my brain going a million miles an hour but my mouth malfunctioning. It's a helpless, frightening feeling. And after this happens in a conversation, both of us are left feeling empty and somewhat upset.

I hope I'm not the only one who feels like this. Maybe my communication skills are a bit lacking. My fiance tells me to work on it, to try, to practice. The problem is, most people can't tell when I am trying, including him. I feel guilty sometimes, like I have a problem that keeps me from being able to talk to people. I almost feel like I ruin relationships or at least hinder them from progressing with my inability.

Words are wonderful things. But sometimes they can't do a bit of justice to what you really want to say.