Moreover

When the thing you want most in the world isn't there,
When you're handed the script of the fool and it's not fair,
You want to show them all you can handle this on your own
But you cry and curse life when you are alone.
Don't be a hero, don't waste your time trying
You're just human, don't pay attention to their whining.
You'll wear yourself out if you try to compete
And find yourself lacking, terribly incomplete.
They don't know jack and they don't know you
They could try to understand but they won't begin to
Only you can see all this through your eyes
And you will have chosen by the time they realize.
"Don't do this alone", but how can you not?
They gave you no choice when they left you to rot
When they turned a deaf ear to your hopeless cries
And their blindness became your doom in disguise.
You look at your hands, what help are these now?
They can't even save you when you're starting to drown
You can't even offer your life and your blood
For the one far in danger--the one that you love.
What good is your breath when you have no use for life,
Or the rush in your veins when you're dying inside?
Sick merry-go-round driving me to hell
Until there is nothing left but a withering shell.

A Fire And A World of Wrong

And people wonder why I don't talk or try not to get too close to people. It because I know that sooner or later, I'm going to open my big mouth and hurt somebody. I try so hard not to let it happen, but it seems to be veritably inevitable.

It's gotten to the point where I should probably take drastic measures, like sewing my lips shut. Sounds gruesome and painful, I know. But it would be worth it if I knew I could save the people around me some pain. Seems I can't say anything right. I can't speak my mind without someone creating drama over it. What about taking a vow of silence? I don't think I would have the discipline for that because there's always something to say. Should I move somewhere nobody knows me and lock myself in a basement with only the basic necessities for life? Is that what it will take to keep the terrible person that is me away from the ones I love?

I don't mean any of that seriously, but here is a question to think about: we have the freedom of speech but are we really free to say whatever we want? My answer to that is no. If you say whatever you want and have no control, you will leave destruction behind you wherever you go. You have the right to say anything you want but you have the responsibility not to. Not only is there a recourse to every single action you make, but also to every word you choose to say, whether that recourse be physical or verbal. People will always have something to say about what you say. If you want your life to have a little less drama, then there are two things you must do: 1) watch what you say and think about the effects of your words on others before you say them or 2) be able to brush off what people are going to say about/to you when you don't watch what you say.

I may be an adult but that doesn't mean I've stopped learning. And sometimes, if you haven't been paying attention, God will use more impacting means to get His point across. He'll begin by telling you, in different ways through different people. If that doesn't catch your attention, you'll start seeing the consequences of your lack of self-control. And those consequences will begin to hit closer and closer to home until you get it. You may lose a friendship or see somebody hurt if you allow your pride to blind you for too long.

James 3:6 "And the tongue is like a fire. It is a world of wrong, occupying its place in our bodies and spreading evil through our whole being. It sets on fire the entire course of our existence with the fire that comes to it from hell itself."

For your sake and everybody else's, don't take your freedom of speech too lightly.