Whew! Never before have I been so grateful and so anticipating of the word "new". (And everything it entails.) Before you continue on, know that you, dear reader had to make a choice to read this blog. I declare publicly that I have not hog-tied or drugged you to coerce you into reading these very words. So! Now that has been established and we can continue on with my ramblings.
People can get so old. Their games, their drama, their attitude. Certain ones will try to pull you into their go-round until you are ready to tear out your hair (note the non-use of names). I like to keep things general and friendly ;) I have numerous stalkers that I'm oh-so hasty to be rid of (more than one, sadly. People who can't take a hint, really.) And there comes a point where you have to be the adult in the situation. The mud-slinging, the name-calling is never fun, although it seems some find entertainment in such things. To each his own, I suppose.
I think it's safer for some of them, that I'm putting miles between us. What I find funny is they have no idea. I guess that is entertaining in and of itself. People talk all they want and yet in the end, all they're doing is making noise. Sad for them that it doesn't bother me anymore. I try to so hard to find even an ounce of anger...but I'm so tired of the game that all I can do is chuckle. Ahhh, humans are truly funny creatures.
I'm so in love with my life and how everything is going to be that I couldn't care less than I do now. This entire weekend has been about letting go. Of people, arguments, bitterness. I'm so free that I can't even bother with old hurts and enemies. You can't be chased if you don't run. I truly serve an amazing God; I'm truly overwhelmed thinking about how blessed I am. And that trumps any negative emotion that could try to prod at me. You can't get my goat if I don't have a goat to get :)
In five years, none of this silliness will matter anyway. Whether you were in public school or not, drama always seems to follow you--but you know what? If you don't stew in it, you won't remember a bit of it in even a few months. I get my dreams and they get their...well, whatever they have. You only hurt yourself by being unforgiving; the person you're bitter against probably has no clue. So I don't care anymore. I have more important things to put my time towards and people can say/do what they want. With the closing of this chapter of my life comes the closing of everything that doesn't belong in my future. This "immature" girl who "knows nothing about love" is going to soar on her newly found wings and wave goodbye to the little people stuck on the ground.
(You're right. I don't know everything about love. And I never will. But that's okay with me! Because I'll always be able to discover, to learn, to explore in it. I know more than just romantic love [of which I really do know. Your unbelief doesn't make it not so]. And there's more to love than that for me. The ins and outs of it are too complex for our tiny human brains to comprehend. I'm so thankful for that, because I will never get bored, tired, or familiar for it. Thank You God, for being more than I'll be able to understand or fathom. And thank You for teaching me, every day. That's the very thing that tickles my fancy.)
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Try As You May
We could have never been friends. Not now. Not ever. Not in this lifetime. As it goes with two-faced people, some continue in this lifestyle without remorse or regret. I can smell you a mile away. And it is not a pleasant smell. It is a smell of a long dead heart in a barely alive body--a bitter, rotten smell. You are the kind of person I make it a habit to avoid, with good reason. We could never be friends, because misery loves company. And I will not deign to be miserable with you. It's terrible to see that you have to squash others dreams because yours are dead and taking you absolutely no where.
Let's get a few things straight. And this is one post that I will not delete. This "child-bride" has been 18 years old for the last four years of her life. Your statement implies ignorance, but we know better than that. Excuse me if I waited for the one man for me, unlike you. God chose to bring me my soul mate sooner, because I was responsible with the life He gave me, unlike you.
Do not call my husband a liar. Again, implied ignorance. He may have lied in the past and he may have lied to you, but that is not who he is anymore. You have admitted you were both manipulative, so don't exclude yourself from the "liar" label if you're going to throw it around. You cannot claim perfection either--don't even try. Too many people know the real story.
I am waiting for him to come home because he has been at war. A war people like you don't even want to think about. A war that is very real, as real as the people who are out there dying every day. And my husband is there because he understands something about honor that you don't. He desires to protect the innocent and right wrongs where it's within his power, whereas you are like the very people he is fighting: corrupted, scheming to attack the innocent, boiling in your rage, anger, and hunger for revenge. He has seen things that would twist your insides into cute little Boy Scout square knots.
Don't you dare write him off because you're jealous he's moved on. You said yourself that you ended things, yet your first love is "irrevocable". Let me tell you something, honey: it better damn well be irrevocable. This is his wife speaking, who has stuck with him for over two years, longer than you did. The heart-rending empty nights, the complete radio silence, the uncertainty as to whether the next phone call would assure you he was alive or dead. You know nothing. The man you knew is gone. The relationship you apparently still pine over is less existent than the ashes of a cremated body spread on the wind.
If you had any kind of "repentance", you would not be saying these things about me or him. Your true nature has revealed itself and proven my original instincts were correct. You throw God's name around like that will encourage me to take mercy on you, a "fellow Christian". Your actions decry your words and leave me no sympathy for you. I cannot perform judgment on you, that is God's job. The evidence of my forgiveness for you is the fact that all I have to give you is words--not a fist to the stomach, not a phone call to your house, not a stalking of your private life.
You may never see these words. But if you do, I strongly encourage you to leave me and mine alone. Whether you do or you don't is really no skin off my nose--I have a promise from God for me to stand on. And believe me, you're no hurricane. Rather, it will give you peace. To know that we have moved on, so that means it is possible for you to move on. I know. If you keep your attention on us, you're going to stay bitter and get angrier; you'll be more infected than a terminal cancer patient. And you will hate your life, more than you do now. You don't have to prove your worth through angry words or snide cheap shots. I don't know what else to say to you. But you are no longer welcome in my life and I will not take stock in anything further you have to say.
Let's get a few things straight. And this is one post that I will not delete. This "child-bride" has been 18 years old for the last four years of her life. Your statement implies ignorance, but we know better than that. Excuse me if I waited for the one man for me, unlike you. God chose to bring me my soul mate sooner, because I was responsible with the life He gave me, unlike you.
Do not call my husband a liar. Again, implied ignorance. He may have lied in the past and he may have lied to you, but that is not who he is anymore. You have admitted you were both manipulative, so don't exclude yourself from the "liar" label if you're going to throw it around. You cannot claim perfection either--don't even try. Too many people know the real story.
I am waiting for him to come home because he has been at war. A war people like you don't even want to think about. A war that is very real, as real as the people who are out there dying every day. And my husband is there because he understands something about honor that you don't. He desires to protect the innocent and right wrongs where it's within his power, whereas you are like the very people he is fighting: corrupted, scheming to attack the innocent, boiling in your rage, anger, and hunger for revenge. He has seen things that would twist your insides into cute little Boy Scout square knots.
Don't you dare write him off because you're jealous he's moved on. You said yourself that you ended things, yet your first love is "irrevocable". Let me tell you something, honey: it better damn well be irrevocable. This is his wife speaking, who has stuck with him for over two years, longer than you did. The heart-rending empty nights, the complete radio silence, the uncertainty as to whether the next phone call would assure you he was alive or dead. You know nothing. The man you knew is gone. The relationship you apparently still pine over is less existent than the ashes of a cremated body spread on the wind.
If you had any kind of "repentance", you would not be saying these things about me or him. Your true nature has revealed itself and proven my original instincts were correct. You throw God's name around like that will encourage me to take mercy on you, a "fellow Christian". Your actions decry your words and leave me no sympathy for you. I cannot perform judgment on you, that is God's job. The evidence of my forgiveness for you is the fact that all I have to give you is words--not a fist to the stomach, not a phone call to your house, not a stalking of your private life.
You may never see these words. But if you do, I strongly encourage you to leave me and mine alone. Whether you do or you don't is really no skin off my nose--I have a promise from God for me to stand on. And believe me, you're no hurricane. Rather, it will give you peace. To know that we have moved on, so that means it is possible for you to move on. I know. If you keep your attention on us, you're going to stay bitter and get angrier; you'll be more infected than a terminal cancer patient. And you will hate your life, more than you do now. You don't have to prove your worth through angry words or snide cheap shots. I don't know what else to say to you. But you are no longer welcome in my life and I will not take stock in anything further you have to say.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Elite
Harsh. Desperate. Passionate. Physical. Relentless.Vulnerability. Embrace. Rejection. Death. Life. Rebirth. Sorrow. Agony. Laughter. Joy. Overflow. Uncontrolled. Freedom. Deliverance. Refuge. Revolution. Bondage. The essence of one's breath expressed through their body. This is dance to me. An unbridled passion that can only be related through action, graceful or angry. It is physical, raw emotion in its purest form. Only the best can utilize it to wrench your heartstrings in whatever direction they please. Too much formula and technique will smother it and cause it to only be half as great, partially as beautiful and striking. It can be a war cry or a swan song.
Were it only a simple flailing of the appendages, dance would be accessible for everybody and an art for no one. The energy and interpretation required to bring it to life is possessed by few. Some say it is a dying art, replaced by the oohs and ahhs of technology and light shows. True dance will never die. It lives on in studios and dance clubs, breeds in basements and downtown neighborhoods. Duct tape and gag orders mean nothing to a dancer--if they cannot speak it, they will dance it. They will leave you in tears through a graceful ballet and in fear for your life after an angry street battle. Good dancers perfect themselves in their style, but the best combine their art with relevance. For example, hip hop and ballet. Two opposite styles, yet beautiful and shocking when intermingled. Grace and ferocity. It's an infectious combination.
Dance is a dream of mine, one that may come to pass and may not. I love it intensely, to watch it, create it, perform it. But there is a slight barrier to bringing my dream to life. I was diagnosed with asthma as a child, which makes it increasingly difficult to breathe whenever I perform a routine for more than a few minutes at a time. Now whether that was placed in my life for me to overcome or to tell me that this dream is not for me has yet to be known for certain. But being an overcomer by nature, I work myself to get past it, until God tells me something one way or another for sure. He made me a passionate person for a reason and I am going to use that to push myself forward until He says differently. Because we all know that true, raw passion should never be taken lightly.
Were it only a simple flailing of the appendages, dance would be accessible for everybody and an art for no one. The energy and interpretation required to bring it to life is possessed by few. Some say it is a dying art, replaced by the oohs and ahhs of technology and light shows. True dance will never die. It lives on in studios and dance clubs, breeds in basements and downtown neighborhoods. Duct tape and gag orders mean nothing to a dancer--if they cannot speak it, they will dance it. They will leave you in tears through a graceful ballet and in fear for your life after an angry street battle. Good dancers perfect themselves in their style, but the best combine their art with relevance. For example, hip hop and ballet. Two opposite styles, yet beautiful and shocking when intermingled. Grace and ferocity. It's an infectious combination.
Dance is a dream of mine, one that may come to pass and may not. I love it intensely, to watch it, create it, perform it. But there is a slight barrier to bringing my dream to life. I was diagnosed with asthma as a child, which makes it increasingly difficult to breathe whenever I perform a routine for more than a few minutes at a time. Now whether that was placed in my life for me to overcome or to tell me that this dream is not for me has yet to be known for certain. But being an overcomer by nature, I work myself to get past it, until God tells me something one way or another for sure. He made me a passionate person for a reason and I am going to use that to push myself forward until He says differently. Because we all know that true, raw passion should never be taken lightly.
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