Read My Guest Blog on Unveiled Wife

I submitted an article a few weeks ago for the opportunity to have it published in the blog "Unveiled Wife". I woke up this morning to an email informing me that my article would be posted today! If you're interested in reading it, here's the link: http://unveiledwife.com/it-begins-with-two-and-marriage-makes-three/ . Thanks so much for your support and love!

Randomious Enligtimens

I thought since the last post was kind of depressing, I'd try to make the next one more light-hearted and humorous. (And I think I've found a solution to my baby fever: we've been planning to get a puppy and are going to start looking after we return from post-deployment leave in June. So if I can be patient and focus my energy on that, I think that's going to help my emotions immensely.)

So here's some random facts about me:

-I am a total klutz. I don't think I used to be, but it's suddenly become more obvious to me (probably because my husband notices too, ha!)

-I can't place a band-aid on myself correctly the first time. I'm nervous about cutting off my circulation! and...

-I'm a perfectionist. About some things. I can act like someone with over-the-top OCD at times, and at others, a lazy slob (which usually drives me back into OCD mode. I can never be very lazy for long.)

-Give me some tools and I'll figure it out. I've handled tools more often than my brothers.

-Two of my main interests are obviously genetic. My dad is a musician and my maternal grandfather is a writer. That would explain it.

-I hate the color yellow. It's so happy and cheery it makes me want to throw up. I've compromised on orange though, and have actually come to like it a lot.

-I'm a water girl. Take me to the beach and I will be there all day. I can't get tired of it.

-It takes a lot to gross me out or make me queasy. I love any kind of amusement park ride, except anything that drops you (they don't make me sick, they just scare the crap out of me). When it comes to nasty things, it has to be pretty extreme to make me throw up (which has yet to happen).

-My grandma always told me that being the middle child was the best, like the cream in the middle of an Oreo is the best part.

-Any music I play, I've learned by ear. I can't read music (although I'm not unwilling to learn).

-I have an almost irrepressible sweet tooth. It's bad.

-I'm a sucker for my dad's 80s rock, blues, jazz, and even country if it has that irresistible groove. I like my music down and dirty.

-I'm getting my first tattoo soon, the word ignis (Latin for passionate love or fire) on the inside of my left wrist. I'm thinking about a second after that, once my husband finishes designing it. It will read, "Dum spiro spero", which is Latin for "while I breathe, I hope" and will be in the middle of of my back.

-I have two scars on the left side of my face and one on my wedding ring finger, all of which my older brother caused (directly and indirectly).

-I'm a geek about rocks. Geology was one of my absolute favorite science classes in college and I'll find myself picking up random rocks and getting extremely excited about their composition.

-I was pitcher for my team when I played baseball (and I do mean baseball, not softball).

-I currently have 182 pieces of writing (most finished, though a few are incomplete), and I'm not sure what I'm going to do with any of them.

-I used to hate tomatoes, but have since reformed. I still hate avocados (they're slimy and I hate the way they taste).  Beyond that, I'm not picky at all about food.

-Hugh Laurie is my favorite actor. No one can disagree that the man is brilliant.

-You wouldn't want to go to a movie with me because I'm awful about being a critic. I will always discuss the movie in-depth with whoever accompanied me. Ask me my opinion of the movie and I'll lay out for you my entire analysis of the directing, cinematography, acting, music, and story--especially the story. I don't have a lot of favorite movies because few have reached the standard of what I consider a "good story".

That looks like enough for now. Hope you found that entertaining. I may be in the mood for more later, so stay tuned.

Wisdom vs. Desire

Here it is. I've decided to do it. Write this blog, I mean. Not for your benefit, goodness no. If you're here to mock me or dig up dirt on me, you're very welcome to leave. I just want to share something that's weighed heavily on my heart for the last six months or so.

I really want to be a mom. It's all I've ever wanted to be. If you asked me when I was five years old what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was "a mommy". I was the girl with the ridiculous amount of dolls, mothering each individually and seriously. Ever since I was old enough to understand how conception worked, I daydreamed about getting married and how it would feel to discover I was pregnant, how I would reveal this life-changing news to my husband. I planned scenario after scenario down to the last detail, even how the birth would occur. My desire to have kids has played a big part in my life, including determining my career.

It's not that I can't have children (although I feel terrible for those in that situation). If I'm anything like my mother, I'll be uncontrollably fertile. In fact, I know I'm fertile. I did get pregnant shortly after  my wedding (even on birth control!) but miscarried at six weeks. I hadn't even been sure I was pregnant until then. That doesn't even keep me from having children. I have no fear at all about future pregnancies, I've just come to the understanding that my little flower was too good for this world and I'm grateful she was saved from having to struggle through this life. God needed her more than I did.

The only halting factor to starting a family is that there are so many things my husband and I want to do: things that are almost impossible to do with young children tagging along. We want to travel, to see the world, to live life. We want to be able to have no regrets when we have our family, no thoughts of "I wish we had done this, because it will be at least ten years before we'll have the chance to do it again". We want to have experiences and adventures, and once that's all said and done, then be able to settle down. This was a decision we came to mutually. There's also something to be said about making sure our relationship is whole and finances stable before we even think about bringing little copies of ourselves into the world, that we'll have to train and raise. I wasn't ready for any of that a few months ago, but I realized I may not ever be. No one knows how to perfectly raise a child and you can't even begin to learn until you have one. If we were to be "surprised" some day in the near future, I would have no qualms about it. Bring it on, I say.

I had come to terms with our decision to wait, seeing the wisdom in it. But I can't say it helps to know that twenty of my friends either had babies within the last few years or just found out they were pregnant. I even had a friend give birth two days ago and another yesterday. And to be on Facebook--seeing their baby statuses, nesting statuses, uncontainable excitement, and finally fresh-after-birth pictures--is starting to wear on me. I've been dealing with jealousy, frustration, maybe a little anger. After any pregnancy announcement, I'm depressed for the rest of the day. I have absolutely nothing against these women. I know it's an incredibly happy and exciting time for them and they want to share their news with the world. I would do the same. It just hurts to know that we have such good reasons for not getting pregnant right now, especially since we're unsure what direction Zach's career with the army is going to take.

But our good reasons do absolutely nothing to suppress my life-long desire to be a mother. I definitely can't tell my friends to stop getting pregnant or quit being excited about it. I need to find a way to change my attitude somehow, to be content with our choice and be truly happy for them. And maybe writing this and confessing these things to the reader and myself will be a good start. My question is this: is the choice really a beneficial one if it causes unhappiness and complete discontent?

Drowsing

Ah, it's about 3am here. Zach and I are still wide awake. I'm dead tired, which is entertaining considering the fact that I didn't get up until noon today. It's really nice to have a few days to ourselves, in which we can do as much or as little as we want. That's been a rare experience in the almost six weeks I've been here. But as Zach is healing and the doctor's appointments become fewer, we have more time to relax. Which also means staying up gaming and sleeping in late. May sound like an immature habit, but compared to what we've been put through, it's heaven.

We finally have both the cars and all of our household goods at our house, which is starting to look and feel like a home now. It's comforting to have that settled feeling. And I'm starting to learn where I'm going (having the GPS my husband got me for Christmas didn't hurt at all!). Aside from the rough patches here and there (that happen to all in this game of life), things are going as swimmingly as they possibly could for the Atchley family right now. Thought you sweet people who read my ramblings would appreciate an update :) goodnight, everyone. Or good morning, rather.