I've realized lately that there are people in this world who just have to argue and fight and debate about every little damn thing. But I am not one of those people and you are desperately mistaken if you believe that I am. (And yes, this involves particular people and situations, so if you're reading this and it sounds familiar, then you have made an oopsie.)
My mind's laundry cycles will often lead me to posting philosophical ponderings or quirky thoughts on my Twitter or Facebook. And just like this blog, they are my opinion. I'm not proclaiming them as law or the new Bible or whatever. I'm not even telling anyone else they ought to think the way I do. I'm just stating what I think for the heck of it. Sometimes people agree with me and say so, or say nothing at all. I honestly don't ever care if I get positive responses or even any.
Buuuut, like I mentioned, there are those people who have to get all up in arms if whatever I've said goes against their personal beliefs. So they challenge me. And they question me. And they try to change my mind or make me see how idiotic I am for believing the things I do.
Which I don't appreciate.
That's not to say I would never change my mind about that certain topic or that I'm not up for a lively discussion. I'm open to hearing differences of opinion or different perspectives, sure, though only if done respectfully and in a non-inflammatory way. If you're looking to pick a fight with me, then you've come to the wrong place, because I refuse to fight with you.
Unless I'm asking for other thoughts or a debate on something, I'm probably not in the mood. Don't take out your pissy little attitude on me because I don't believe what you do about a particular thing. I don't get all over you if you believe something different. If you do what I do and randomly state stuff you believe/think and it highly offends me or goes against what I personally believe, I keep my mouth shut. Because I value friendship more than a debate about differing values.
I have offered my own opinions and perspectives to others of differing opinions, but only ever calmly and not looking for an altercation. Somehow most people get fired up and turn it into a giant fight, complete with disrespect and insults. Such is the internet, I suppose.
I understand that looking at both sides of what I've just said may seem hypocritical, but hear me out. I don't go into either situation to troll or get anyone riled up. In the first instance, I'm lah-dee-dah-ing along and decide to post a random thought I find interesting, no ill will against anyone intended. In the second, I only present my personal thinking because the poster will indicate "I don't understand why this kind of person does this" or otherwise clearly insinuate that they are looking for outside responses.
When I am pushed to explain why I've posted a certain belief or statement, I do, although I'm most likely really annoyed by that point. (No where in the terms of agreement for the particular social networks I subscribe to is it said that I am required to explain every little thing I post. And if I don't want to, then I shouldn't be pressed to.) I still respond respectfully, but mention that I'm not there to fight or debate. If the person continues to push, I will point them towards the exit (which would be the 'unfriend' or 'unfollow' button). In my mind, it's simpler to not argue. My profiles are not the place to do that. If the individual keeps trying to incite me, rile me up, or push my buttons, I simply block them myself.
It isn't that I would never question my beliefs. But for the most part, I know why I believe the things I do. And I think I've got enough other questions to answer without someone who doesn't know a thing about me to bother my about my 'whys'.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Don't Be An Ass
I'm going to address something that most of us are pretty familiar with, especially because it seems I've been dealing with it a heck of a lot lately: assumptions.
Ever hear that good old quote: "To 'assume' makes an ass out of u and me"? To be honest (and I've said this before), all it does is make an ass out of you. Sure, if we were assuming about someone else together or assuming about each other. But when you take a piece of hearsay as a given about me, you are being a total ass.
Most of the time, it's easily forgivable, even laughable. Other times, it can be rude and annoying. But still other times, it can be hurtful.
For example:
"She's only getting married so young because she's pregnant."
Yeah. I heard that one a lot after my husband and I were engaged. I was six months into eighteen years of life when we said "I do". Granted, the quick wedding because of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy scenario happens quite often, but that does not mean it was true at all about me. We got married as fast as we did because a) we had been together long enough to know it was right, b) we wanted to be married in October because it was our favorite month and there was no sense in waiting another year, and c) I hate bringing this up, but he was deployed in a war zone and there's always that chance something could happen--in case it did, we wanted to be married before.
"She married him for his money."
Again, it happens a lot in the military. But not in this case. I don't give a flying rat's ass about money. Necessities of life (food, water, shelter, warmth, etc) are all that I care about.
Foolish things are said and people get hurt when someone makes a quick assumption, rather than approach the person themselves, because they are too damn lazy to take a few seconds to do so.
I've been called names because people feel better believing whatever lie they've told themselves about me instead of getting to know me. They pick little bits of truth about me and fill in the rest with lunacy, which does not make for a pretty picture.
If you're going to assume things about me (whether simple and petty, or extensive and hurtful) instead of checking with me and talking, you prove to me that you are not worth my friendship. I'm sorry, but I'm not. If you don't have the decency or the balls to make the time and make a way to approach me about whatever it is that's tweaking your melon, then you have no place in my universe. You don't. And that is all on you.
You can save both of us so much trouble if you just stop and think with a little compassion before you go racing around and breaking things with your assumptions hanging out everywhere. You make yourself look pretty bad if you're going to make your mind up about something with no reason, no evidence.
There was an "assumption incident" involving me today, and it was kind of painful. Something really stupid and little, but this particular event had been building up for a while. Let's just say I've been left out of a lot of things with a certain group because they "assumed" I was too busy or some such nonsense. And they left me out again today because it was assumed I wouldn't be available to do what they were do (which, in fact, I was perfectly available). That shows me how much they cared and it honestly felt like very little. They dived in, helter-skelter, and left me in the dust. It felt callous and cold, whatever their intentions were or were not.
So as a reminder to our own selves (since we cannot control the actions of others), don't assume. If you absolutely have to know something, go talk to that person instead of making up some crazy story in your head to satisfy you. That should be your very first instinct.
Side note: There are good and bad sides about assuming. I don't mind people assuming that I'm a kind-hearted, smart, friendly, etc person or assuming those same things about others (although I don't do it to the point of naivete). Just stay away from the dark side. No cookies there.
Ever hear that good old quote: "To 'assume' makes an ass out of u and me"? To be honest (and I've said this before), all it does is make an ass out of you. Sure, if we were assuming about someone else together or assuming about each other. But when you take a piece of hearsay as a given about me, you are being a total ass.
Most of the time, it's easily forgivable, even laughable. Other times, it can be rude and annoying. But still other times, it can be hurtful.
For example:
"She's only getting married so young because she's pregnant."
Yeah. I heard that one a lot after my husband and I were engaged. I was six months into eighteen years of life when we said "I do". Granted, the quick wedding because of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy scenario happens quite often, but that does not mean it was true at all about me. We got married as fast as we did because a) we had been together long enough to know it was right, b) we wanted to be married in October because it was our favorite month and there was no sense in waiting another year, and c) I hate bringing this up, but he was deployed in a war zone and there's always that chance something could happen--in case it did, we wanted to be married before.
"She married him for his money."
Again, it happens a lot in the military. But not in this case. I don't give a flying rat's ass about money. Necessities of life (food, water, shelter, warmth, etc) are all that I care about.
Foolish things are said and people get hurt when someone makes a quick assumption, rather than approach the person themselves, because they are too damn lazy to take a few seconds to do so.
I've been called names because people feel better believing whatever lie they've told themselves about me instead of getting to know me. They pick little bits of truth about me and fill in the rest with lunacy, which does not make for a pretty picture.
If you're going to assume things about me (whether simple and petty, or extensive and hurtful) instead of checking with me and talking, you prove to me that you are not worth my friendship. I'm sorry, but I'm not. If you don't have the decency or the balls to make the time and make a way to approach me about whatever it is that's tweaking your melon, then you have no place in my universe. You don't. And that is all on you.
You can save both of us so much trouble if you just stop and think with a little compassion before you go racing around and breaking things with your assumptions hanging out everywhere. You make yourself look pretty bad if you're going to make your mind up about something with no reason, no evidence.
There was an "assumption incident" involving me today, and it was kind of painful. Something really stupid and little, but this particular event had been building up for a while. Let's just say I've been left out of a lot of things with a certain group because they "assumed" I was too busy or some such nonsense. And they left me out again today because it was assumed I wouldn't be available to do what they were do (which, in fact, I was perfectly available). That shows me how much they cared and it honestly felt like very little. They dived in, helter-skelter, and left me in the dust. It felt callous and cold, whatever their intentions were or were not.
So as a reminder to our own selves (since we cannot control the actions of others), don't assume. If you absolutely have to know something, go talk to that person instead of making up some crazy story in your head to satisfy you. That should be your very first instinct.
Side note: There are good and bad sides about assuming. I don't mind people assuming that I'm a kind-hearted, smart, friendly, etc person or assuming those same things about others (although I don't do it to the point of naivete). Just stay away from the dark side. No cookies there.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Where We Are
"Sigh."
I lean back in my chair, take a sip out of my glass, and tap my fingers on the desk. I'm so itching to write and I'm sure I owe it to the few people who read this blog in order to keep up with my life to write something relevant and informative.
But I've got nothing. No news. No developments. No hiccups, good or bad. Just the day in and day out of what has become my life.
And I'm not complaining. Things have reached the place where there is a natural ebb and flow, give and take, things happen as they will. No pressure, no rush, no stress. It's all very smooth. Yes, the days seem to run together and I'll forget the date, but I prefer the peacefulness of that to the choppy, run-around, having to know the day of most everyone else.
We relax. We game. We listen to music. We talk. We cook together. We play. We'll deposit our fur baby at doggie daycare and have a date, losing ourselves in the fun and togetherness of it all. We do as we please. And we forget.
Zach and I forget the anxiety, worry, pain, frustrations, and all the unpleasantness that has hounded us since the day he was shot. It was a day that has changed our lives forever and will always remain at the back of our minds in some way. The anniversary of that day has come and gone, and we've done our best to hold on to the happier moments of the past year. Soon after, we came upon one year of living in our house and our puppy turning a year old.
It's not all bad and some days, it's much easier to forget about what is bad than others.
You may judge us and say we are lazy or that our life is boring or that we aren't really living. And we will beg to differ. We are living the best life we could have in this place, at this moment. And what we consider "best" for our lives will change. Our circumstances will change and we will have to come at it all from a different angle. We are just fine with that.
But for now, we are working with what we've got and making what we've got work for us. It doesn't have to work for you; you don't have to understand it. It's enough that we do and that we love it.
I lean back in my chair, take a sip out of my glass, and tap my fingers on the desk. I'm so itching to write and I'm sure I owe it to the few people who read this blog in order to keep up with my life to write something relevant and informative.
But I've got nothing. No news. No developments. No hiccups, good or bad. Just the day in and day out of what has become my life.
And I'm not complaining. Things have reached the place where there is a natural ebb and flow, give and take, things happen as they will. No pressure, no rush, no stress. It's all very smooth. Yes, the days seem to run together and I'll forget the date, but I prefer the peacefulness of that to the choppy, run-around, having to know the day of most everyone else.
We relax. We game. We listen to music. We talk. We cook together. We play. We'll deposit our fur baby at doggie daycare and have a date, losing ourselves in the fun and togetherness of it all. We do as we please. And we forget.
Zach and I forget the anxiety, worry, pain, frustrations, and all the unpleasantness that has hounded us since the day he was shot. It was a day that has changed our lives forever and will always remain at the back of our minds in some way. The anniversary of that day has come and gone, and we've done our best to hold on to the happier moments of the past year. Soon after, we came upon one year of living in our house and our puppy turning a year old.
It's not all bad and some days, it's much easier to forget about what is bad than others.
You may judge us and say we are lazy or that our life is boring or that we aren't really living. And we will beg to differ. We are living the best life we could have in this place, at this moment. And what we consider "best" for our lives will change. Our circumstances will change and we will have to come at it all from a different angle. We are just fine with that.
But for now, we are working with what we've got and making what we've got work for us. It doesn't have to work for you; you don't have to understand it. It's enough that we do and that we love it.
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