Cleaning Woes of The Naturally Disorganized

If you are not naturally an organized person (like me) and you start cleaning and organizing stuff in your room and house, doesn't it freak you out? It does when I get in that mood (which I am right now). Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm messy. I keep my room in a relatively clean state, picking things up here and there. Serious messes are rare in my room. But there is a difference between simply clean and ORGANIZED. Now I said my room was clean...but organized? Not so much. If there are things I'm not sure what to do with, I put them in a corner or just leave them on the floor til I figure that out. Clothes that are clean but I don't feel like putting away end up in my laundry basket. So my room is pretty clean most of the time, but not very organized.

Every so often (like once or twice a month) I get this sort of urge, this call of the wild to start ORGANIZING. It feels evil because I am not naturally the type to organize things. I can keep things organized well, but I'm not great at being the original organizer. That goes away when I get what I call "inspired". This usually happens for no reason at all, but sometimes it actually occurs when I really need to do something about the state of my room. (I don't know if I'm making much sense, but this is my word vomit about my random mood so you'll just have to come along for the ride.) Most of the time I spend a good hour or two organizing, reorganizing, and cleaning up in my room. This will extend to whatever area of my room I feel needs the attention (my closet, bookcase, floor, nightstands, etc). And I will go ALL OUT. This means cleaning, wiping down, dusting, or vacuuming whatever I'm currently working on.

This random quirk in my behavior sometimes goes beyond my room, like it did today. If I am annoyed enough with something that I see every day, I will fulfill my cleaning urge by doing something about it. Today this was my bathroom. It's not particularly messy either, again simply disorganized. Nothing too extreme, just enough to where I was put off by what I was seeing every morning. So I went after that too. Now I am at a complete loss of what to do, because I still feel this nasty, unnatural desire to go clean more. Not only does my brain not really want to, but it also is not sure where to clean that I can really do much good. It's really strange how I want to clean, but I don't want to: mood vs. personality. I suppose we will see who wins.

And A Merry Thanksgiving To You

Wow. Can I just be the millionth person you've heard say this for the fifth year in a row: where did the year go? I mean, Thanksgiving is tomorrow for crying out loud. And always, this is the time of year where we start looking back at our whole year and saying: was it really worth it? did I do anything memorable? what was memorable that happened to me? how have I changed, for the good or the bad? you know, self-examining questions. The same every year. But do we ever answer them?

I myself admit that sometimes I refuse to learn from my mistakes because I'm too proud and I want to do it my way. That goes along with the definition of insanity: performing the same actions over and over again while expecting to receive different results. I mess up just like you. The person behind this computer screen is just as human as you. But that doesn't mean I can shift responsibility onto the fact that I'm human. I have a free will and whatever I sow in my life is what I will eventually reap. Yes, I am saved and I have the favor of God on my life. But there are two laws He put into place that He will not override--my free will and the law of sowing and reaping. And anyone can see the effects of those laws on their own lives if they will look at themselves closely enough.

But this IS Thanksgiving, so I should probably mention a few things about that, huh? Don't only remember to be thankful, but remember WHO you're thanking. Thanks does not belong to Allah, Krishna, Mohammad, Joseph Smith or any of those types. All thanks belongs to God who loved us so much, He gave the life of His most precious Son, Jesus Christ. He gave us an opportunity to live eternally with Him and never be separated from Him. Who still watches over us and blesses us, gives us breath in the mornings, people who love us, jobs, education, a prosperous country, a military who defends that country, and SO much more. You can't deny the hand of God in your life, you just can't. You may think it's fate, luck, your influence, the spirits of the earth, your money or WHATEVER. But it is still God, no matter what you may believe.

I am thankful that God knows exactly what He's doing in my life. So much has happened this year, crazy stuff that I couldn't even begin to describe. It all leaves me without a doubt that it has all been because of God. Since the beginning of this year, things have been put into motion in several different situations that have changed my life forever. Every single one of them is a good change, though I appreciate some more than others. He has brought people into my life that in one year, have become my closest friends and even like part of my family. He's changed some of my relationships. A few of those changes were heartbreaking and difficult for me, but in the best interests of everybody. And a lot of those changes were wonderful, things I couldn't have imagined would happen to me, this soon, at this time in my life. But I am SO thankful they did. God never said life would be easy, but He has overcome the world. He makes all things come together for the good of those who love Him. And that's a promise.

The Date? Bah, I Know Something More Perfect.

Hmmmm 10-10-10. How very exciting. Not like we haven't gone over all this before, what with '01, '02, '03--yeah, you get the picture. And this will go on for two more years (because as those of us who passed first grade know, there are only twelve months in a year. So the longest this weirdness could go on is 12-12-12). After 2012 (another strange year because of a recent disaster movie and meaningless Mayan prophecies), maybe we'll get a little peace and quiet in this world....HA! Nah, everyone is just going to find something else just as pointless to ramble on and freak out about. Why can't people find a fixation or obsession that's going to last? Why is everybody so fickle? Well, because we're people and we're not perfect. That was never in the plan. But my obsession is the only being whoever was, is, and will be perfect: Jesus Christ. He never changes. And my goal is to strive to be like Him. I will never be perfect and I will mess up sometimes. But He is my focus, my fascination, and my true obsession. And unlike today's "special" date, He will be perfect forever and last forever. There's no disputing that.

Whining Woes. A Disease I Must Get Over.

Dear Prom, you and I could have been friends...but I guess we'll never know. You guessed it: I will NEVER EVER be allowed to go to a prom, unless it's the homeschoolers prom (which would be OH so much fun, ya know). So, farewell senior prom that I never had...it was nice to dream about you. I guess I understand where my parents are coming from...and I know all the stereotypes about prom, but it would be so nice to just get a chance to satisfy my curiosity (which isn't really the best excuse for placing myself in that environment). Not that their fears aren't well-founded, but they can't protect me my whole life.

And it's not so much that I want to go because everyone else is going. I've just always wondered what it would be like to go to one of these dances that everyone talks about...curiosity, you know? I figure that what goes on can't be terribly exciting...and I've heard some not so appealing stories about what happens there. But I still would like to go to ONE. Just once. I'm a senior and about to graduate for pete's sake. It's like my last chance to do anything associated with high school. And being a homeschooler, I don't get to do much of that stuff. I don't even really get a graduation (not til I finish my AA). I just get to assume I've graduated this June, but it's not even gonna feel that special. So I just wish I could have gone to one dance (I wasn't even allowed to go to HOMECOMING, which I assume would be a little more tame than prom). You'd think that graduating high school right after turning 17 would be some kind of an accomplishment, but I guess homeschooling doesn't count. I honestly don't think I'm going to get much acknowledgment about graduation at ALL until I graduate with my AA.

It almost makes me feel like that's something I'm EXPECTED to do...I understand graduating high school...but getting a degree at 17? I don't think many people expect that. I guess the bar has just always been a little higher for me because I've exceeded people's expectations of me my whole life. So I have to start really outdoing myself to get a little notice..well that's probably not the case at all. But sometimes it feels like it.

Oh well. Sorry you had to read the pointless rambling and whining. I'm done now. Go back to whatever you were doing.

Determinations...

Ahhhh, the first days of a new quarter at a community college...invigorating....not. Think about what it would be like to have the "first day of school" every three months for a whole year--new classes, new faces. Yeah. It's like that. Kind of scary, I suppose. You think one would get used to it after two years, but not so much. First day jitters still seem to exist no matter how long one has been going to school.

Ha. I laugh, just because the only person really reading this is me and I write this out of pure boredom. Well, that and the fact that I haven't written a blog since January. Might as well update it. It does feel good to write again, even if it is just my random word vomit. Get stuff out of the brain and somewhere else...I am kind of scared to get back to writing my usual stuff though. Someone told me it was way too emo and depressing...although I DID ask for his opinion and constructive criticism if he had any for me. I try not to be emo...really. I just want to show things by looking at both light and dark...it's hard to appreciate the light if you've never seen the darker side of life. And my pieces usually end with a light or with hope. I never end them in a depressed mood.

But maybe everything I write IS starting to sound all the same. I just like to be creative and let the words come out...and sometimes they all randomly fit together. I get these images in my head, but since I am no good at drawing, painting, or anything of the sort, I have to describe it with words. Writing is art, no matter how cliche that is and only real writers know what that means. You have to create a picture in someone's mind and you must write in specific way, so the picture appears in the reader's head the same way it appears in yours.

Laughing again. So there's some random thoughts on writing and college. Be entertained.

Beginning Endeavors...

Oh no. Well, I guess I've caught the blogging bug...now what? I suppose the main reason is because I have too much pressure building up in that special little organ called the brain.Grr. So nothing special to report, except for the fact that I'm listening to my sister do what she calls "jamming". I call it a bass player and a guitar player playing two different chord progressions over and over. Scratch that. I just call it plain noise. Not only is it annoying, but it's boring as heck to listen to. Jam sessions actually involve music. Having two people mindlessly strumming does not count (though in today's music industry, everyone apparently thinks it does).

But I guess me telling you this doesn't matter, because it's not that interesting. And everyone goes to read the more interesting blogs anyway. Whatever. I'm just typing the word vomit as it enters my head, so deal.