Words Can't Complete Us

Why are words so useless sometimes? You could come up with the most eloquent phrasing and rhythms to whatever you're trying to say and it still ends up not being enough. The human soul is beyond the language that we ourselves have created. We weren't made for a language of this earth; we were made for the communication of heaven.

I find myself coming up short in conversations. The things I want to say so badly, I can't find the words for. My heart can be bursting with emotions, dreams, and ideas but for some reason, my brain can't figure out how to put it into words. I am by no means mentally impaired, let me assure you. But I've always seemed to deal better with the written word than the spoken word. If you see something I've written, then hear me try to communicate that exact same feeling/idea, you'll see that the differences are innumerable. I feel almost pressured when speaking with someone and that pressure makes me blank out in a way. I get desperate, searching for words, trying to find an idea that makes sense with this conversation. Talking face to face or even over the phone with people leaves me scrambling.

It's not only frustrating to me; it's also annoying to the person/people I'm speaking with. They think I'm quiet because I don't care, I'm angry with them, or am just a few french fries short of a happy meal. They want to communicate two-way with someone for whatever reason and now they have realized that selecting me for this activity was not a smart move. So they are left with silence (either to their face or over the phone line), and I'm left with my brain going a million miles an hour but my mouth malfunctioning. It's a helpless, frightening feeling. And after this happens in a conversation, both of us are left feeling empty and somewhat upset.

I hope I'm not the only one who feels like this. Maybe my communication skills are a bit lacking. My fiance tells me to work on it, to try, to practice. The problem is, most people can't tell when I am trying, including him. I feel guilty sometimes, like I have a problem that keeps me from being able to talk to people. I almost feel like I ruin relationships or at least hinder them from progressing with my inability.

Words are wonderful things. But sometimes they can't do a bit of justice to what you really want to say.