A Prodigal Returns

Picked up my bass for the first time in a long while today (for those who don't know, I play the electric bass). I've gotten "the itch" to play a few times since I've moved, but not enough to keep my callouses. That's pretty sad when I think about it. It will be six years in November since I started teaching myself to play and I've been pretty obsessed with it since then. A year or so after that, with some tutoring from my dad, I started to play on our church worship team. I played with them for three and a half years, which feels like forever. There are some amazing musicians and vocalists on that team, some of whom I became close enough with to call family. It takes a lot of work to be able to play with other people three times a week, and have it flow cleanly and smoothly. Definitely requires some good chemistry. In that kind of atmosphere, you have to get along with everybody; if you don't, it will be obvious in the quality of the music.

And I was really blessed to be able to have my family on the team. My dad plays guitar currently, but he's also amazing on bass, piano, and trumpet. One of very few on the team who could claim an education in music theory and everybody knew it.Whenever anyone had a musical question (whether it was about the key or the notes we were playing), it was almost always directed to him. I probably wouldn't have done well on the team if not for him. If I was confused during a rehearsal, all I had to to was walk across the stage to him and ask for his help. He always steered me right. It was also nice to have my brother and sister on the team. We played together more at the youth center (as we were the ones who had gotten the team started back up and made up the core of the team), but my sister played guitar with the main team for a few years and my brother jumped on drums from time to time. When it comes to music, it's definitely a family affair.

Having people see me on stage every weekend for years made me somewhat of a celebrity within the church, although I never accepted the role. People would tell me what I good job I did or how nice it was to see me up there. A lot of people would let that fluff up their ego, but I've never been very good at being popular. What was important to me was that lives were being changed as a result of allowing myself to be used by God. That's the only reason I got up there every week. It sounds like false humility, but that's the truth. If I stood on that stage and thought about how many people were watching me, I'd probably freeze up and pee my pants. I wouldn't be any good to anybody. And in past history with the team, if the pastor or the worship team leader saw any rock stars on the stage, they would ask them to step down from the ministry. So if you had any pride or the need to strut your stuff, you'd better get rid of it quick, because that wasn't the point of the team. It was to reach people, to get them into open their hearts to God's presence so He could work.

I say all that to say I was drowned by waves of emotion after listening to songs I used to play with that team. I had seen God do so much and felt His presence so strongly during that time. I have to admit, I'm not as close with Him since moving here. Being apart from my church family is pretty rough and I felt like I was betraying them when I went to the church we found here (it just isn't the same and feels foreign). I think putting the bass down was also part of that drift, because that's one of the ways I get in His presence. Sometimes it isn't enough for me to sing the words; I have to play how I feel, express my love through the music. And while my fingers hurt really bad from my lack of callouses to protect them, my heart feels lighter than it has in a long time. I feel reconnected with not only my talent, but also the One who gave it to me. And that is the purpose of it all, isn't it?