Don't Be An Ass

I'm going to address something that most of us are pretty familiar with, especially because it seems I've been dealing with it a heck of a lot lately: assumptions.

Ever hear that good old quote: "To 'assume' makes an ass out of u and me"? To be honest (and I've said this before), all it does is make an ass out of you. Sure, if we were assuming about someone else together or assuming about each other. But when you take a piece of hearsay as a given about me, you are being a total ass.

Most of the time, it's easily forgivable, even laughable. Other times, it can be rude and annoying. But still other times, it can be hurtful.

For example:

"She's only getting married so young because she's pregnant."

Yeah. I heard that one a lot after my husband and I were engaged.  I was six months into eighteen years of life when we said "I do". Granted, the quick wedding because of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy scenario happens quite often, but that does not mean it was true at all about me. We got married as fast as we did because a) we had been together long enough to know it was right, b) we wanted to be married in October because it was our favorite month and there was no sense in waiting another year, and c) I hate bringing this up, but he was deployed in a war zone and there's always that chance something could happen--in case it did, we wanted to be married before.

"She married him for his money."

Again, it happens a lot in the military. But not in this case. I don't give a flying rat's ass about money. Necessities of life (food, water, shelter, warmth, etc) are all that I care about.

Foolish things are said and people get hurt when someone makes a quick assumption, rather than approach the person themselves, because they are too damn lazy to take a few seconds to do so.

I've been called names because people feel better believing whatever lie they've told themselves about me instead of getting to know me. They pick little bits of truth about me and fill in the rest with lunacy, which does not make for a pretty picture.

If you're going to assume things about me (whether simple and petty, or extensive and hurtful) instead of checking with me and talking, you prove to me that you are not worth my friendship. I'm sorry, but I'm not. If you don't have the decency or the balls to make the time and make a way to approach me about whatever it is that's tweaking your melon, then you have no place in my universe. You don't. And that is all on you.

You can save both of us so much trouble if you just stop and think with a little compassion before you go racing around and breaking things with your assumptions hanging out everywhere. You make yourself look pretty bad if you're going to make your mind up about something with no reason, no evidence.

There was an "assumption incident" involving me today, and it was kind of painful. Something really stupid and little, but this particular event had been building up for a while. Let's just say I've been left out of a lot of things with a certain group because they "assumed" I was too busy or some such nonsense. And they left me out again today because it was assumed I wouldn't be available to do what they were do (which, in fact, I was perfectly available). That shows me how much they cared and it honestly felt like very little. They dived in, helter-skelter, and left me in the dust. It felt callous and cold, whatever their intentions were or were not.

So as a reminder to our own selves (since we cannot control the actions of others), don't assume. If you absolutely have to know something, go talk to that person instead of making up some crazy story in your head to satisfy you. That should be your very first instinct.

Side note: There are good and bad sides about assuming. I don't mind people assuming that I'm a kind-hearted, smart, friendly, etc person or assuming those same things about others (although I don't do it to the point of naivete). Just stay away from the dark side. No cookies there.