Back-Fire

I've decided I'm not going to burden myself with being everyone's conscience. I love my friends and family, so when I see them in need, I try to deliver some kind of help. But it seems my input is seldom appreciated.

I've given and given and given advice, some of which I've earned myself and some of which older, more wiser people have given to me. The feedback I've gotten is that I'm not "old" enough, "mature" enough, or "experienced" enough to try to pass wisdom on, even if it isn't my own. And some just tell me, "Thanks, what you're saying does look better, but I'm going to do whatever I want anyway". It makes me feel like my help isn't worth anything to them. To some, I know it isn't.

I'm not pretentious enough to hand out advice if I haven't experienced it, but I do know several wise adults who have given me tools to handle certain situations, and I'm happy to relate the information to those who need it. But some people just don't want to hear it. Either they know better or think that I don't. And that hurts when you are truly trying to help, and do know some better options.

Admittedly, I have been wrong, and I do attribute that somewhat to youth and inexperience, which has taught me to be careful who I try to advise and with what. I'm well-intentioned, but I am human.

One thing I am absolutely against when asked for advice is passing judgment on someone because of their choices. I am disappointed when someone makes a choice I feel is wrong for them (although one cannot objectively make decisions for others), but I will not judge. I know what that feels like, and it is a nasty feeling.

Too many people pointed and shook their fingers at me when I dated my husband behind my parents' backs. Too many "tsk, tsks" were thrown around whenever it was discovered that I was sixteen and he twenty-one when we met. There were too many assumptions that I was a naive child and he was a gross, internet-stalking pervert. And here we are, increasingly happy after one year of marriage, and all I want to do is laugh in all of those faces.

Judge not, lest ye be judged. Indeed.

That is why I have to be so careful. But if there is an obvious and absolute truth that a person I care about is blind to, I have to say something.

I was recently told by someone that "my truth" didn't necessarily apply to them. I replied, "How very interesting, when you yourself believed at one time that relative truth was bullshit."  Relative truth is a convenient argument for someone who doesn't care to change. I still don't believe in relative truth; truth is going to be truth, no matter which way you spin it.

This was more of a rant than a rambling, and also an admission. I can't be everyone's savior and I'm going to quit trying to be. Some people are going to do what they want to do and continue on destructive paths without a care for what I have to say. And I've decided to let them do that. I'm not going to waste my breath or time on someone who won't give me the time of day.

That, friends, will save you from a lot of trouble and hurt. Don't stop caring for the people you love, but if someone chooses to close their ears and their heart to you, love them from a distance.