Why Did We Have To Grow Up?

I will try to keep this short, but I've got to write it out of my head.

I miss my family.

I miss the shopping trips with my mom, the times we would spend a whole day out of the house, even if it was just for groceries. I miss talking with her about anything and everything. She filled the place of a best friend when my own friends were too busy to do things with me. We talk to each other on the phone now, but I don't do well with phone conversations and it isn't the same anyway.

I miss nights out with my dad. He's not the most talkative, but that's okay. It was enough to sit with him in his car, listen to the 80s Christian rock we both love, and know that he cared enough to spend time with me. I miss discussing bass and music with him. I miss seeing him laugh so hard he cried or being the goofy, crazy guy that few but my family have seen. Neither of us do well on the phone, but I do love to tell him, "Hi", "I love you", and "I miss you". As quiet as he is and as shy as he seems, he has been the best, loving, providing, scripturally sound father I could ever ask for.

As for my siblings, even though few of them tolerate me at this moment, I miss them too. I miss the way things used to be:

I miss going to midnight premieres of superhero movies with my brothers, then geeking out over them afterwards.

I miss the Bible quizzes we used to do on Sunday afternoons, where nobody could focus and we all ended up in a giggly mess.

I miss the "wedgie nights" when we were younger and everyone (including my parents) would run around trying to give each other wedgies and had a good time laughing our heads off.

I miss the barbecues in the summer, the movies on Thanksgiving, watching Bill Cosby and eating my mom's crab dip on New Year's Eve.

I miss the trips to my grandparents' house when we still lived in Tennessee.

I miss playing music with my older siblings.

I miss watching football season with my dad and youngest brother.

I miss when everyone was packed into the minivan and my dad drove us around to look at the lights on the houses on Christmas Eve, then coming home and watching a Christmas movie. I miss Christmas mornings, opening stockings, having cranberry almond coffeecake for breakfast, opening gifts, then spending the rest of the day watching movies, and finally, having Christmas dinner.

I miss how things were at the house on Nankatie Lane, when we didn't have a care in the world except to play and have fun.

Now, we're all grown up and have better things to do than be a family. Some of us can't stand to be around each other for one reason or another. Some are all of a sudden "too good" for my parents or anyone else. We've let the world and life harden and embitter us.

And it hurts. It hurts to have four siblings and have none of them talk to me, blaming the distance, their own busy lives, or the fact that they just plain don't care about me anymore. It hurts to have parents that I can only contact through phone or Facebook.

It hurts to know that everything has changed and will probably never be the same again--all I have now are the memories. And it kills me to know that I will eventually move back and have to deal with all of that change face to face. It's hard enough to when I'm almost 3,000 miles away.