Gag Order

I really wish I could be that kind of girl. The one who says what she wants to when she wants to and not give a damn what anybody thinks. Tip-toeing around everyone and double-checking everything I say so they aren't offended is getting pretty old. I feel like I have to censor myself, or someone will be majorly butt hurt.

I'm tired of being quiet, of not saying exactly what I'm thinking. I'm sick of trying to hang on to the image of me that everyone has burned in their brains. If I depart from it but a little, there is a giant uproar.

It's hard to figure out who you are if you can't even say what you want all the time. I'm always under the impression that my social networking profiles are under surveillance, and everyone is looking for me to bash them.

But sometimes? People annoy me. People piss me off. People make me really uncomfortable and I dislike being around them. And that's apparently not okay to talk about, because some of these people are my friends and relatives.

But what if? What if I'm not that sweet, shy little girl everyone remembers, the one always using manners, that no one can find a single thing wrong with, that is never outspoken or rude? What if I would rather really say what's on my mind, than keep my mouth shut to be nice and let you keep behaving in a way that makes me not want to be around you?

When is silence better than honesty? Does the truth do any good when it's duct-taped inside someone's mouth?

People get offended so easily these days. They want to be talked about badly so they can release the hounds and go ape-shit on them. Is it really so bad for you to realize that certain things you do piss me off? I'd rather tell you in hopes that you would change instead of not saying anything and knowing you won't.

Maybe I don't want to shut up anymore. It doesn't mean I want to be obnoxious, but I think I'm too quiet and allow more than I ought to. I'm a person too!

I don't have to agree with anyone if I don't want to. I don't even believe everything my parents do. For the most part, our beliefs align, but some things I do not agree with them on. It doesn't mean I respect my parents any less; it just means I am a human, I'm an adult, and I make my own decisions about what I believe. You can raise your kids however you want to and that will have some impact on them--but ultimately, they will make their own choices about their lives in the end.

I enjoy having friends who will tell me the truth, no matter how much it hurts. If they see me doing something I shouldn't be doing, they will let me know. If something I do annoys them, they don't let it sit and boil--they will tell me to knock that crap off. And now that I know about it, I can.

Some people have told me to shut up when I'm trying to tell the truth, because "it's better to be kind than right", or something like that. But isn't it kinder to straight up redirect someone when they're walking down the wrong road than to be "nice" and let them walk to disaster with your lips sealed? Or to let someone believe a lie because it makes them feel better about themselves? Is kindness always a better solution than truth? I don't think so.

The truth has to hurt sometimes. It can't be all sugar-coated and lovey dovey; that's not the way it works. Truth is truth, whether you want to hang it by its ankles or cover it in camouflage and greasepaint.

That's why I like having this blog. I can write the things in my head and not be sorry for them one bit. In fact, I'm kind of proud. It's about damn time I spoke my mind.